I begged my Mama to wear the flowy dresses while she vacuumed.
Like Lucy. And Donna Reed. And Mrs. Cleaver.
And I wanted her to wear heels and an up-do while she served us dinner....while she served us dinner around a decorated table with fancy plates and cloth napkins and a boat of gravy that didn't come from a can.
Dreaming of the day I said 'I do' and thereafter - I expected bliss. I had planned on riding around with him in his truck - me perched in the middle - sandwiched between him and some hunting dog. I had grand plans of a honeymoon kind of life.
I scolded myself as a newlywed when the chicken and noodles didn't turn out like his Mama's. I threw away the batch of cookies that were just a smidge too brown around the edges. And when the pineapple upside down cake didn't emerge from the oven looking like the picture - I tossed it right-side up into the trashcan.
As a young woman, I hung pictures of perfect people in my pantry. It was a reminder - To look like them, I couldn't eat like that.
When I found out I was expecting new life - I dreamed of a sweetly decorated nursery - and smile-filled feeding times - and playgrounds and school pictures and brown bag lunches with notes tucked inside.
And just today - as I went to have a quiet time - I couldn't enter into the secret place with Him - because the toys were scattered all about and the crumbs were an inch deep and the laundry wasn't done. And the worst - I hadn't lit a candle. So the room didn't smell of vanilla.
Idealism.
It will make a naively optimistic girl - turn into a persistently pessimistic woman.
And the damage of this is deep.
I don't know how or why I became an idealist - a person who envisions the perfect...the unrealistic. But I do know..... this kind of thinking thwarts all joy.
When happy expectations meet this messy world - disappointment sinks in and makes our hearts turn stale and stagnant.
So what's a woman to do?
I'm unsure.
So I'm fighting against my flesh and doing this: I'm dropping to my knees right here in the midst of all the toys and crumbs and dirty clothing - I'm just plopping prayers right on top of them. And I pour my heart out there and I ask for Grace to come swiftly and I ask for Him to just let me feel joy in it all. And I ask that He begin to unravel this tight-wound woman and that I be okay with it.
Because perfectionism keeps us from people.
Perfectionism and idealism - they zap moments and they sap us of energy. And by the time we have our lives looking just so..... seasons have passed and we've missed it...we've missed them.....and Him.
Because it seems as if He meets us most right there in the mess.
So self - kick the toys aside...make just enough room on the ground for your knees to take a position of prayer. And when you stand up - you might have crumb covered shins - but you would have poured it all out to Him and you'll be lighter. Self - stop picking up the trains and baby dolls and sit yourself right down and play with them - for goodness sake. And let those babes bake with you in the kitchen. Who cares if it takes double the time - you'll be making double the memories.
Remember that belted dresses are uncomfortable, and high heels make you have varicose veins and if you have a hankerin' for good chicken and noodles - just go to your mother-in-laws house. Know - that if marriage were all a honeymoon - you'd never get to make-up. If the cookies come out a tad overdone - tell them they are the crunchy kind. And if the pineapple upside down cake is ugly - laugh - and eat it anyway. Remember that perfect people in fitness magazines drink gritty protein shakes for every meal and remember that a crying baby - simply means there is a baby. (Oh, the blessing!) Remember that a living room littered with Tonka trucks and tea cups - is a living room that's lived in. And remember - that He speaks in our moments with Him - whether a candle is lit - or not.
Self - set the idea of a life that looks like a magazine cover down. Set it right down and walk away. And instead enter into play - and yes, pray.....because much will be missed if you don't.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Prayers?
He connects things I can't and He makes it all come full circle.
I flounder all over the scriptures until He spoon feeds me a feast one bite at a time.
Prayers please? I'm preparing a talk for our next women's event... Transforming Glory... and oh, I just want Jesus to be all over this thing.
As I dive head first into His Word - and as I munch on every morsel - I can't help but be encouraged and excited and just flat out in awe of Him.
I'm so grateful for your prayers and love. Blessings to you all :)
I flounder all over the scriptures until He spoon feeds me a feast one bite at a time.
Prayers please? I'm preparing a talk for our next women's event... Transforming Glory... and oh, I just want Jesus to be all over this thing.
As I dive head first into His Word - and as I munch on every morsel - I can't help but be encouraged and excited and just flat out in awe of Him.
I'm so grateful for your prayers and love. Blessings to you all :)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Conditioning the 'Heart'
When you discipline the body - you discipline the soul.
There's something about this denying of the flesh - this pushing through when you feel like passing out.... that gives endurance beyond the physical.
Weight isn't the only thing that melts away when you exercise.
While many things are lost...(laziness and timidity and fear)...things are also gained. When we work out....we also work in.
This daily dedication...this day after day commitment - it conditions the heart down deep. The arteries and ventricles aren't the only things that benefit. The spirit does, too. And this gaining of endurance that surpasses the muscles - it has the most worth. (Know though, that He is the one working it all in through this avenue of exercise. We must know this - else we get distracted and haughty. We also must know this - so that we don't erect fitness ...as an idol.)
It's crazy what's been happening around here. My husband and I - we are two weeks in. Two weeks into a workout program.... that is thinning out more than my thighs and building up more than my biceps.
To push through - to bust up boundaries - to challenge our very flesh nature - this produces all kinds of goodness. And it eats away at all kinds of ugliness that attaches itself to us.
To fully commit....to engage entirely.....to devote completely these last 14 days...oh it's made such a glorious difference. Rigorously (but safely) training the body uniquely tames the flesh in certain areas. Sometimes, He uses physical things to condition us in spiritual things. (For me, anyway.) Expecting more from myself in exercise - it ups the anty elsewhere.
All this conditioning - I feel like it's preparing me for something. I feel like it's throwing me right into submission. And isn't that a good place for a Christian to be? To find oneself in submission before being sent out to comission. It makes sense.
So in this daily challenge of the body - I find myself in the throws of growth. And this makes it worth it. (That - and the smaller dress size.)
So I encourage you, kind friend - to keep going.
Because lifting the bar and adding iron to it.... goes way farther than the bench press.
*****
P.S. We must tread very carefully here friends, and take note - that just as Colossians 2 says, "we grow only as we get our nourishment and strength from God." (NLT) It's important to guard ourselves from thinking that our growth and gain in Christ comes simply from our own human efforts. Self-denial and severe self-discipline - "have no effect when it comes to conquering a person's evil thoughts and desires" (Col. 2:23) That - can only come from Him. So as we engage in exercise - let us be aware that:
1) He is the one that gave our bodies the ability to undergo strenuous work
2) He alone is the one that spurs us into growth as we strive to tame the flesh in any area
As you push and pull to condition your body - pray that He does a good, transforming work in you through it...He is the only one who can.
Love and blessings to you all!
There's something about this denying of the flesh - this pushing through when you feel like passing out.... that gives endurance beyond the physical.
Weight isn't the only thing that melts away when you exercise.
While many things are lost...(laziness and timidity and fear)...things are also gained. When we work out....we also work in.
This daily dedication...this day after day commitment - it conditions the heart down deep. The arteries and ventricles aren't the only things that benefit. The spirit does, too. And this gaining of endurance that surpasses the muscles - it has the most worth. (Know though, that He is the one working it all in through this avenue of exercise. We must know this - else we get distracted and haughty. We also must know this - so that we don't erect fitness ...as an idol.)
It's crazy what's been happening around here. My husband and I - we are two weeks in. Two weeks into a workout program.... that is thinning out more than my thighs and building up more than my biceps.
To push through - to bust up boundaries - to challenge our very flesh nature - this produces all kinds of goodness. And it eats away at all kinds of ugliness that attaches itself to us.
To fully commit....to engage entirely.....to devote completely these last 14 days...oh it's made such a glorious difference. Rigorously (but safely) training the body uniquely tames the flesh in certain areas. Sometimes, He uses physical things to condition us in spiritual things. (For me, anyway.) Expecting more from myself in exercise - it ups the anty elsewhere.
All this conditioning - I feel like it's preparing me for something. I feel like it's throwing me right into submission. And isn't that a good place for a Christian to be? To find oneself in submission before being sent out to comission. It makes sense.
So in this daily challenge of the body - I find myself in the throws of growth. And this makes it worth it. (That - and the smaller dress size.)
So I encourage you, kind friend - to keep going.
Because lifting the bar and adding iron to it.... goes way farther than the bench press.
*****
P.S. We must tread very carefully here friends, and take note - that just as Colossians 2 says, "we grow only as we get our nourishment and strength from God." (NLT) It's important to guard ourselves from thinking that our growth and gain in Christ comes simply from our own human efforts. Self-denial and severe self-discipline - "have no effect when it comes to conquering a person's evil thoughts and desires" (Col. 2:23) That - can only come from Him. So as we engage in exercise - let us be aware that:
1) He is the one that gave our bodies the ability to undergo strenuous work
2) He alone is the one that spurs us into growth as we strive to tame the flesh in any area
As you push and pull to condition your body - pray that He does a good, transforming work in you through it...He is the only one who can.
Love and blessings to you all!
Monday, March 12, 2012
It's Blowing In
The windows.....they.are.open.
And there's cool goodness wafting all through this home.
Curtains billowing. Papers taking flight off kitchen counters. Dirty window sills with cob-webbed corners. A mama's hair blowing in all this wind as she stirs gravy....
It's glorious.
As I pull my hair back in a pony and wrestle with over-cooked green beans - I breath deep and remember the smell of sweet outside! And hope arises from all this freshness moving in.
It leads me straight to Him.
Remember all those waiting, wondering followers in that room? (Acts 2) A rushing, mighty Wind swept right in and seeped right through. Pentecost. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. And those wondering followers began to do wondrous things in His name and by His power and through His promise.
This is for us too, you know.
And in this I rejoice.
Because Jesus said, "...when He, the Spirit of truth has come, He will guide you into all truth..." (John 16:13)
And does this gravy-stirring Mama ever need some truth!
So I'm gonna keep these windows wide and open. And I'm gonna keep my hair tie handy. Because when He blows on in - my hair tends to get a little messed up. And really, I should want it that way.
Because Him winging in truth and choice fruits (Galatians 5:22-23) is worth the wind-blown look, don't you think?
And there's cool goodness wafting all through this home.
Curtains billowing. Papers taking flight off kitchen counters. Dirty window sills with cob-webbed corners. A mama's hair blowing in all this wind as she stirs gravy....
It's glorious.
As I pull my hair back in a pony and wrestle with over-cooked green beans - I breath deep and remember the smell of sweet outside! And hope arises from all this freshness moving in.
It leads me straight to Him.
Remember all those waiting, wondering followers in that room? (Acts 2) A rushing, mighty Wind swept right in and seeped right through. Pentecost. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. And those wondering followers began to do wondrous things in His name and by His power and through His promise.
This is for us too, you know.
And in this I rejoice.
Because Jesus said, "...when He, the Spirit of truth has come, He will guide you into all truth..." (John 16:13)
And does this gravy-stirring Mama ever need some truth!
So I'm gonna keep these windows wide and open. And I'm gonna keep my hair tie handy. Because when He blows on in - my hair tends to get a little messed up. And really, I should want it that way.
Because Him winging in truth and choice fruits (Galatians 5:22-23) is worth the wind-blown look, don't you think?
Monday, March 5, 2012
Snapshots of Kenya
Such beauty and yet such sorrow represented in these shots from Africa. Gorgeous landscaping, white tents that act as homes, diseased truckers, shoesless feet, playfuy boys, true servants of Christ, beautiful little faces from the orphanage, and wild animals....
Father, you know the story behind each photo and each face. Bring redemption and joy and salvation and healing to them all. Keep their stories fresh in our minds and soft in our hearts. And speak to us in these places...about these faces....and what you would have us do in Your name....yes, in Your name.
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Rebuke the oppressor;
Defend the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.
- Isaiah 1:17
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
A Random Mission
Written Sunday....
He's somewhere over the Atlantic making his way back to me.
My husband - he's been in Africa....giving bits of his heart away. And this overseas heart-sharing....it came out of no where, really.
One minute on an ordinary Thursday night, he is helping me tidy up after dinner. The next he's pulling out a passport, pacing in prayer, and packing suitcases.
And all this...it's just so God, of God.
Isn't it so like Him to surprise us right in the midst of humdrum? Isn't it so like Him to tap the shoulder of an ordinary man - who believes in a God who can do extraordinary things? Isn't it so like Him to know the bride of this tapped one so well - that He knew he had to spring this on her?...because if she had known her groom was going to be away for a week - leaving her with a trio of little ones, alone - she would have lost it? Yes, He knew. And this bride thanks Him for sparing her the anxious wait - and instead, just plopping it right in.
Less than 48 hours before jetting away...my husband received the following text message:
"One of our guys backed out of going to Kenya. Do you want to go? We can make this happen. Pray about it for a few minutes.”
It made the hair on my arms stand straight up. And I knew....I knew this was from Him. And that only through Him could a trip across the globe pull together in only a few hours.
Two days later...he flew half-way around the world - and fell all-the-way-around in love.
He cupped faces, and dined with refugees, and brainstormed businesses, and he loved.
When he walks through our door today - and drops his bags and gets tackled by kids and pulls out pictures.... I'll understand that the week alone with my sick wee ones was worth it.
This Mama didn't have to fly to the other side of the planet to grow this time. No - He did lots of growing and pruning to this heart right here within these very walls this week.
And while I was growing here....my groom was growing there. An ocean apart - but hearts growing up and up in the same direction.
Only Him.
Perhaps I'll post pictures of all this craziness? Yes, yes.
Until then - let your faith be encouraged - knowing that He calls people. He calls people to Africa. He calls people to wipe little noses (and bottoms!).
And only He can simultaneously accomplish much, with both.
Snapshots and commentary from my groom....coming soon :)
He's somewhere over the Atlantic making his way back to me.
My husband - he's been in Africa....giving bits of his heart away. And this overseas heart-sharing....it came out of no where, really.
One minute on an ordinary Thursday night, he is helping me tidy up after dinner. The next he's pulling out a passport, pacing in prayer, and packing suitcases.
And all this...it's just so God, of God.
Isn't it so like Him to surprise us right in the midst of humdrum? Isn't it so like Him to tap the shoulder of an ordinary man - who believes in a God who can do extraordinary things? Isn't it so like Him to know the bride of this tapped one so well - that He knew he had to spring this on her?...because if she had known her groom was going to be away for a week - leaving her with a trio of little ones, alone - she would have lost it? Yes, He knew. And this bride thanks Him for sparing her the anxious wait - and instead, just plopping it right in.
Less than 48 hours before jetting away...my husband received the following text message:
"One of our guys backed out of going to Kenya. Do you want to go? We can make this happen. Pray about it for a few minutes.”
It made the hair on my arms stand straight up. And I knew....I knew this was from Him. And that only through Him could a trip across the globe pull together in only a few hours.
Two days later...he flew half-way around the world - and fell all-the-way-around in love.
He cupped faces, and dined with refugees, and brainstormed businesses, and he loved.
When he walks through our door today - and drops his bags and gets tackled by kids and pulls out pictures.... I'll understand that the week alone with my sick wee ones was worth it.
This Mama didn't have to fly to the other side of the planet to grow this time. No - He did lots of growing and pruning to this heart right here within these very walls this week.
And while I was growing here....my groom was growing there. An ocean apart - but hearts growing up and up in the same direction.
Only Him.
Perhaps I'll post pictures of all this craziness? Yes, yes.
Until then - let your faith be encouraged - knowing that He calls people. He calls people to Africa. He calls people to wipe little noses (and bottoms!).
And only He can simultaneously accomplish much, with both.
Snapshots and commentary from my groom....coming soon :)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
My Fruit
I look down and I find him staring right through.
It startles me. And it catches me off guard....
As he looks at his mother...what kind of fruit is he feasting on? What kind of fruit are they feasting on? Because all three of them...they munch on the fruit that falls from the tree of me.
As children look at their parents...they look through them. Fake expressions and surface responses seldom keep a child from seeing and sensing the true heart of the ones that raise them. (This is true of grown children, too - you know.) It can be frightening.
These children that litter our lives with laughter and wonder and awe (and noise!) they learn how to live under the limbs of you and me. And as they do - as they soak in and mimic and copy - they nourish themselves on the fruit we produce. Whether ripe or rotten...they ingest it all.
And this strikes me to my core.
This simple stare from my second son - it shakes me awake......again.
And as I inventory my actions - I realize that, yes - left to my own devices this orchard is corrupt....but left in the care of the Pruner...ah, this orchard survives. And it not only survives, it thrives. And not only that - it's branches reach out wide and strong. And its leaves...they are a welcome shelter. And its fruit - gives life.
So as the Spirit blows a redeeming wind right through the branches of me - I know that only through Him is anyone ever ripe with love and joy and peace. And only because of a thorough pruning does one ever dangle down patience and kindness and goodness. And only through the Grower Himself is anyone ever rooted in faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.
Only through Him.
The church sign just on the other side of the field reads, "God makes all things new.....even you." How did they know that the Mama just across the way - needed those words this very day?
No matter what you've harvested in seasons past....yield to the winds of Him and you'll yield a bountiful crop.
And when you do - the ones perched underneath? .....they will too.
It startles me. And it catches me off guard....
As he looks at his mother...what kind of fruit is he feasting on? What kind of fruit are they feasting on? Because all three of them...they munch on the fruit that falls from the tree of me.
As children look at their parents...they look through them. Fake expressions and surface responses seldom keep a child from seeing and sensing the true heart of the ones that raise them. (This is true of grown children, too - you know.) It can be frightening.
These children that litter our lives with laughter and wonder and awe (and noise!) they learn how to live under the limbs of you and me. And as they do - as they soak in and mimic and copy - they nourish themselves on the fruit we produce. Whether ripe or rotten...they ingest it all.
And this strikes me to my core.
This simple stare from my second son - it shakes me awake......again.
And as I inventory my actions - I realize that, yes - left to my own devices this orchard is corrupt....but left in the care of the Pruner...ah, this orchard survives. And it not only survives, it thrives. And not only that - it's branches reach out wide and strong. And its leaves...they are a welcome shelter. And its fruit - gives life.
So as the Spirit blows a redeeming wind right through the branches of me - I know that only through Him is anyone ever ripe with love and joy and peace. And only because of a thorough pruning does one ever dangle down patience and kindness and goodness. And only through the Grower Himself is anyone ever rooted in faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.
Only through Him.
The church sign just on the other side of the field reads, "God makes all things new.....even you." How did they know that the Mama just across the way - needed those words this very day?
No matter what you've harvested in seasons past....yield to the winds of Him and you'll yield a bountiful crop.
And when you do - the ones perched underneath? .....they will too.
For every tree is known by its own fruit......
- Luke 6:44
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such their is no law.
- Galatians 5:22-23
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