'Teacha'

Before I went to bed Sunday night, I hung a collared blue shirt and jean shorts on the knob of his closet. And I went to bed struck by the fact that I would wake up with a kindergartener under my roof.

As my oldest got up Monday morning - I reminded him of his chores, reminded him of the schedule we would pursue each school morning. These first few days - none of it has been a bother. Time shall tell if this attitude will remain as school days add up on the calendar.

We'll see if my attitude stays the same as well - because I'm not just the Mama with a kindergartener. I'm also Mama.....the Teacher. Or, 'Teacha' as my 3 year old calls me these days.

Yes, I have curriculum books littered throughout my house, and two school desks sitting downstairs. There is a world map, a handwriting chart, and a 'Keep Calm and Carry On' sign tacked to our basement wall. (That last one is for the Mama.) The Well-Trained Mind is sitting on my dresser in the bedroom, and prayers for patience are continually leaving my lips.

I'm homeschooling.  Help me Lord Jesus.

Never did I ever think that I would do this. Not ever ever ever.

I'm not an academic. I'm not naturally nurturing or patient. I'm not creative or crafty. And I'm super selfish. Not good things to own when you're thinking about homeschooling. I've never felt so inadequate.

But over many months, through many individuals, and through many encounters - God relentlessly prompted me to pursue home education. Right now, anyway.

And here I am - three days in....and I'm shocked over what's already transpired.....

It seems as if feeling inadequate is the way He wants us sometimes.....most times. It seems as if that is when He shows up and powers right through.

Because the last two days - things have changed. The peace that God is pouring out all over me as I teach - it can't be scratched out into spiffy little sentences. And there has been a shift of sorts. Not in the kids - but in their Mama. There's this crazy calm in the very depths of me that can only be given by the One who can peak into those hidden places. Is this....joy? I think so!

There's blessing in obedience, friends. It's not always monetary. It's not always something you can touch with your fingers. It's a feeling, a knowing - that your smack in the middle of His will. And right there....right there in the center of His hand - that is where joy is found.

When we step out on a limb to do the things the Spirit calls us to - when we forge ahead with what He has for us....even in the wake of opposition and ridicule and question - He'll show up as soon as you take your first step.

It's incredible and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

You wouldn't either.

Is He calling you to do something that would require you to go outside of yourself? Take the first step.....

He'll meet you there. And joy will abound.

Ministry

"What have You put on my heart to do, God?"

That's what Kelly Minter keeps urging us to ask - in her study on Nehemiah. And really, that one question - it can change everything.

Because when a person loosens the grip, relaxes the knuckles, and opens up to ask Him what it is He wants them to do, where it is He wants to take them, who He has for them to serve....He'll show you - and life will never be the same.

And that's a good thing.

In my last post, I said we would look at 'the how'. How the Lord can use us - when we focus our hearts and minds outward.

While it looks so different for everyone - there are some constants.....

*Like, prayer. We all must take this position. Get to know Him there. Spill it all out there. Ask there. Listen there.

*And worship. Raising hands and hearts to God - helps us to get over ourselves. Because worship puts it all into perspective. It exalts Him and humbles us. A state of worship....it's a grand place to be. I believe we change and heal and hear - in worship. It's the result of not putting praise on people - and instead - pouring out praise on Him.

*And the Word. To know it. To have it etched on our hearts and always ready in our minds and always sitting on our tongues.

So yes...while there are some aspects of this that run clear across the board - living the Christian life out.....pouring out love with our very lives....it's so diverse. And to know what He has for you, who He has for you to serve...... we must know Him. And these things....prayer, worship, the Word - are essential to our journey in this.


He has a ministry for you. Oh yes He does. Come with me in prayer over it:

"Jesus! Break my heart for what you have for me. Give me a supernatural compassion for the things and people you have for us to serve - near and far! Show me...guide me....send confirmations. And give me the strength and courage and patience and faith to carry it all out.....all over the house, the neighborhood, the church, the country, the world."

I'm certain that as I pray this prayer - that what He is speaking and doing and showing....will find itself all spilled out in posts. I do love sharing here!

Oh friend, may we not be able to keep ourselves from doing what He is calling us to do!

Take a look at a ministry that resonates so deeply with what He has put on my heart....

 

Blessings to you all.

Friends, please forgive me for the extended delay between posts! We are having some technical issues on our end! Forgive me please!?! New post coming as soon as can be!

Love and blessings and hugs and joy to you all! - Kate :)

Me

Sometimes, I find it near impossible to weave together words that will adequatly express what God is doing.

Today is one of them.

But I will try. Because if I can at all pen out what He's etching on my heart - if I can even barely get across what He's been gently rubbing into the very fibers of my broken being - some shifts may occur. And God-induced shifts are what we are after.

So excuse my feeble attempts - and know that I've prayed that this posting (and yes, all of them) will somehow shimmy us, move us, into a place of fresh revelation. Revelation that spurs change and action and difference.....

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Friends, I'm just so consumed with me.

Like, engrossed.

With my health, my home, my heart. With my family, my food, my faith. With my growth, my future, my blog, my ministry, my kids, my convenience, my life.

I am my own idol.

It's been this way forever. And all these 29 years.....I've looked around me as if my issues and strongholds and problems are always the fault of some external source. Sometimes, they are. But how ridiculous...that while I'm so self-focused....I can be so others-blaming. How crazy that the only time I look outside of myself is when I'm searching for an excuse. Sometimes, we are the way we are...because we are so focused on 'the me'.

Seriously....do we know the toll we have taken on our very own selves? All this self-centeredness - it wears us all the way through. All this inward focus - it sucks the life, the love, the purpose, the ability to thrive...right out of us.

And we wither.

 And we get anxious. And we think idealistically. And we compare ourselves. And our bodies wear and age at a raging rate. And we spew anger. And we live our days in discontentment.

Because our minds and our focus are void of the Source....void of any kind of sacrifice. And we serve a God who recognizes sacrifice....that honors sacrifice. We serve a God that blesses those who offer up, not those who focus in.

I have got to figure out a way to get myself...over myself.

It is true that that is the only way I will ever do anything, go anywhere, be anyone - for this Jesus I say I serve.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. - Matthew 10:39

A me-focused life - has turned me into a calloused and stationary woman. It's become apparent this week. In all aspects of my life - I can see the atrophy that a self-centered life brings....

...physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Without Him in every pore and every facet of my existence.....I begin to rot. And if I don't stop the progression....I'll be rendered useless.

But oh - it doesn't have to be this way. We can hand it over.

Because a woman who is aware of the needs in this world - a woman who has resolved to live with the eyes if her heart focused on all the others - she wins.

And a woman who worships....I mean truly worships....and completely puts focus on Jesus - she can turn the world upside down.

A mind occupied on the right things, rather than a mind occupied with past and self - He can use that.

**************

Next post? Maybe we can talk about how.

What Children Need

Movies...they don't move me much.

Ever odd once in a while, however - I'll hear a line in a screenplay..... that speaks to something inside. It's rare - but it happens.

Take The Sound of Music. With my little ones perched on couches, and the library DVD dancing on the television screen - the Lord highlighted, megaphoned, a short exchange between the Captain and Maria:

Captain von Trapp: "I don't know my children."

 Fraulein Maria: "There's still time, Captain! They want so much to be close to you."

Does this strike anyone else? Peirce anyone else?

Children....they want to be known. They want someone to know what their favorite color is, and how they like their eggs, and what all their scars are from. They want someone to set rules and mark boundaries because it means they are treasured, loved. They want someone to remember what kind of baby they were, their first word, their first friend. Children need to be really known, really studied.

Children...of all ages - they want to be unearthed. They want someone to care enough - to dig deep and wipe away the dirt - and discover the treasure they are. Children want to feel of worth. Worth loving, worth remembering, worth time poured in.

Am I providing this, as a parent? Are you?

Are we entering into dialog with our children? Dialog that surpasses chit chat and surface interaction? Are we stopping..... and just studying? And just taking note of how they have changed, who they have become, who they are becoming?

Do the young ones still in our homes - see the sides of our faces staring at computer screens or smart phones more often than they see the whites of our smiles? We must face our children. We must bless them not only with our presence, but with our attention. Are we squaring our shoulders up with theirs....looking straight at them, hearing their hearts?

This convicts me.

Right now - the youngest is sitting in the middle of a play saucer....grasping for rattles and noisemakers and shoving them into his mouth. The middle one - she is 'helping' him do this. And the oldest - has just filled the tub with water...to see if his Lego boats will float. And their Mama needs to just hit the 'publish' button, so that she can join them.

As we go about our day, our week - let's remember what the Father does, shall we? He turns towards us, faces us, sees us, hears us, and blesses us with Himself. Yes Lord, help us to do the same!

Blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! They walk, O Lord, in the light of Your countenance. - Psalm 90:8

When We Worship in His Presence

Wanting Him more than anything - fills you 'til you're full.

It isn't a person or a place or a position - it's a posture. It's a humble posture before Him - that leaves us quenched and overflowing.

When will I ever learn this for good? How many times will it take for me to realize that nothing will satisfy...nothing will undo me...like the Lord will?

How long will it take for me to be a true woman who worships? Who worships out of total awe?

Why aren't we all walking around with dropped jaws - awe struck? He's that big.

Perhaps - it is because we are the focus. He isn't. Perhaps it is because we too often approach Him simply asking for what's ours - instead of relishing in who He is.

Focus on Him brings life. Focus on us brings strife. It's just the truth. There is enough space in this great big world - for each of us to stretch our arms out wide and just receive Him.

Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually. - 1 Chronicles 16:11

Worship ....it heals wounds. Worship - time of adoration in His presence....it's a deep well. Lower bucket after bucket and drink it all in. You'll be changed. There is something about taking the focus, the attention, off of us and putting it on the Lord - that ushers in healing, and guidance, and peace.

Just the other day, I heard about a woman who wore a timer on her belt for a couple of weeks. The timer would vibrate every 10 minutes. When the vibrating alarm would go off - she would stop what she was doing and worship for a moment. Nothing extravagant. No praise bands in tow. No frill. She just took a moment - every 10 minutes....to pause and praise Him....

....She got out of herself. She got out of her mind, her emotions, her ability, her agenda - and she put it all on the One.

Because outside of ourselves is really where we should always be operating. We should always be living in a way that requires God to come through. We should be living out a faith that insists on God's presence. If we are living a life that we can carry out on our own - we aren't living and we aren't carrying much.

What would happen if we Christ-followers.....lived worship-full lives? What would happen if we came to the table hungry everyday? With mouths wide open - singing out praise as He fills us to the rim and over it?

I think there would be a revolution. A revival. And certainly, revelation.

I'm gonna try it and find out. I've been dizzy with questions this week. But instead of simply asking Him for answers - I'm simply asking Him.... for Him. There is a lot to be found, and discovered, and gained from simply sitting in His presence.

Join me. There's room.

My Neighbor's News

As I'm sitting here..... upset over laugh lines and crows feet and baby weight - she's sitting next door with fresh, devastating news. As I sit here and fume over the water my kids splashed into our house today....as I sit here and fret over laundry piling up and toys scattered about - she's sitting over there facing the facts.

I go out to check our garden....and she sees me and she calls my name. I run over and I notice somethings off. With chit chat out of the way - and with tear filled eyes - she looks at the ground and she lets it all spill out right there between driveways...

"I found out I have breast cancer."

My neighbor - she stands there...in her night gown and glasses and slippers just before sunset - and she tells me when her doctor's appointments are and what the specialist say they are going to do.... and I'm just stunned...just devastated.

And then she changes it all around and she says..."So, I've been going to the church across the street."

And she smiles. And lights up a little.

Seriously?

This woman - who has just been given nauseating news? This woman - who has hard days ahead? This woman - who is still shocked? She finds out she has cancer and she heads to the cross? For the first time, perhaps?

I don't know what to make of all this...of this news....of her seeking Him.

I stammer out something unpoetic and ridiculous and I tell her I love her and I run into our house and blurt it all out to my husband.

And my kids, they listen in. And our minds - they all start reeling...thinking of ways to bless her.

A few weeks later, she rings our doorbell and she shuffles into our entryway to update us on her prognosis. Right there - my husband and I lay hands on her. She grabs hold of our wrists and she bows her head low and we pour out a prayer. Tears leak from her and she hugs me tight.

And it all stays with me. (Hurts and breaking hearts and the sufferings of others - they should stay fresh within us. Shouldn't our hearts daily break with theirs? Doesn't this result in continual, earnest, ongoing pleadings to the Lord? Doesn't this spur us to action?)

Some will certainly say that humans run to the divine....to ease the pain of life - to hope in something greater - to pacify our need for a better ending - to make life a bit easier. (I was one of them, remember.)

But as I read the scriptures and I get to know Christ - and I get to know people who trust in Him in the midst and in the aftermath of trauma..... I see how the Spirit beckons them. I see how it isn't their need for an imaginary god - I see how it is their brave response to an existing Lord's calling.

And while I wrestle with the presence of the pain in this world (right next door...and right across the waters) and as I detest the fact that hurt runs rampant on this planet - I do still hope. And I do still believe. (Only because of Him, however. My natural way.... is one of doubt in the midst of sorrow.)

May He shatter our hearts for the hurting - and may He show us what to do about it. And may He reveal to us that He is real and present in it all.

Praying for every precious person that drops by here today - and the pain that may be hanging around your heart this week. May hope and healing be yours, friend.

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. - Romans 5:5